October 8, 2011

The slap…it got me thinking

There was a final image in the ABC’s episode of The Slap this week…Hector and his young son standing alone in the garden…It was a quiet image that lingered on the screen for a while, what struck me was the tenderness of the son’s hand placing itself into his dad’s and also how un-alike they looked – dad was Greek and his son looked more like his mum’s African ancestry.

A little memory popped into my mind as I looked at it, it was a memory of a time before I had kids where I had these insane ideas…the kind of thoughts you have when you’re 12…like how you’re going to dress them, how you’ll let them eat as much rubbish as they want or you’ll let them walk home alone from school (OK this might have been me projecting – wanting things I wasn’t allowed to have).

One of those thoughts was wanting my child to look like me. I wanted to replicate a little red haired version of myself. I remember a family friend adopting a little girl from overseas and crazily wondering how the woman would connect with the little girl considering they looked so different. Ah time and wisdom and a social work degree have done wonders for my world view!

Fast forward a few years and two kids later and it was only now that this silly thought popped back in my head. Neither of my kids look remarkably like me, my son definitely is a mini version of his dad and living in our own blended family of four kids (three from previous marriages – 2 to him…1 to me) none of our kids either look like us or like each other. But want stands out to me is that when you have kids you don’t look at them to see yourself, you look at them and its them that you see.

You see the little quirks, their cheeky smiles, that look they give you just when they’re about to do something you really don’t want them to do, the look of them being exactly who they are.

I’m grateful not to be searching for a mini-me…but I’m overwhelming grateful for what I have, even when they do drive me bonkers*

So what do you think, what do you see when you look at your kids?? What looks back at you??

*which is exactly what my 5 year old said to me this morning when she reminded me her cousin was coming for a sleepover tonight…

Join the conversation! 15 Comments

  1. I am still figuring all that out! My son doesn’t look much like either of us… to the point where even close family after he was born were honest enough to say they couldn’t figure out who he looked liked. Of course we now get all the milkman jokes as a result. He actually looks most like a my brother at the same age… but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.., they are their own person and we love them just the same!

    • me too (some days!) Jodie…its funny how often people try to decide who looks like who and we just smile serenely and keep walking! It is true…at the end of they day they are there own little people – thanks for stopping by

  2. Beautiful post, Sarah. Often my response when people ask me who the girls look like is ‘ they look like themselves!’ And I answer that way because that’s what I see, not a mini-me……and I’m grateful too that I have two children who (at this young age anyway) are so happy to be themselves!

  3. Classic. I noticed that in The Slap too, Sarah.
    I am stupidly incredulous that Squid is blue eyed and blonde. Her father is blonde, as is his brother, my father and eldest brother were as blonde as you can get, but I still look at her and remark, you’re blonde !
    Little gems that they are.

  4. In our kids I see the personality/behavioural traits in our three. Physically they all look the different but in personality our eldest daughter is so much like me, our son so much like his daddy and 2 year old daughter a bit of a mix. It really makes me ponder the nature/nurture thing. I know some of it is who they are as little people but it reminds me how powerful we are as role models too. Nice post. Visiting from Maxabella’s grateful.

  5. Miss 3 looks like I did as a child, though people who did not know me as a child think she looks like her father. When I look at her, I just see love and pride as she is such as special little person.

  6. Sarah, I had a bit of a laugh reading this because I was exactly the opposite – I was desperate for my bubbas to NOT look like me!! Oh yes, the idea of redheads made me worry myself to bits.

    As it turned out two of them do have lovely, dark, mahogany hair and it delights me every single day. Careful what you wish for and all that! And especially, as you say, wishing for things that you really have no business wishing for!! x

    • Maybe I wished for it at a time that the whole ranga debate wasn’t so intense…but considering the news says we are a rare breed maybe we could start a movement for people to start wishing for redheads?? I must (secretly) admit that when I realised I was preggers with a boy I wished SO much for him not to be a redhead…I thought he’d be desperate and dateless forever. Be good!

  7. we are for ever trying to figure out where my little girl gets her curls from. But yet, they are just hers and no one else’s. But it humbles me that she is just like her daddy.

    • Thanks Tahlia…my daughter has a mass of curls too and it is always the first question – maybe the ‘who do they look like’ is just another one of our conversation starter question that you notice more when you enter the parenting world…thank for stopping by!

  8. My daughter is an almost exact likeness to me but I only take notice of it when other people comment on it. You are so right when you say that you only see who they are, I am so busy reading the intention behind her expressions that I am not comparing her features to my own.
    Belated visit from Maxabella Loves… 🙂

    • Thanks Erin…that is so true – the little expressions change daily that just when I think I ‘know’ my kids they go and change! Thanks so much for stopping by x

  9. Another lovely thought shared sarah….you got me thinking on this one, particularly about my daughter who is called my mini me by all our family. Yep, she looks just like me…some of our baby pictures can only be told apart by the era of the clothing lol!
    And, its not just the looks, its personality as well….and boy, does she give me a run for my money. My mum calls it karma lol 🙂 So, I suppose she gives me an outside view of myself sometimes…and despite the fact that her fiestyness sometimes drives me bonkers (hehe) I love her to bits, and I really like who she is! Which makes me happy to be the original mould….yeah, (thinking to herself)….Im not too bad….if I do say so myself hehehe 🙂

    • See Sonia…thats why I love comments, it makes me feel less like Im bonkers! My baby girl gives me a run for my money too – she is very outspoken and eager to understand life – so Im thinking that perhaps the original mould wasn’t such a bad idea…x


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