January 29, 2013

Stuck in the middle with you

I bent down this morning and ran my hands over my legs. It had been a long month of not shaving them, of not wearing shoes other than a very worn pair of birkenstocks and of pulling on a random assortment of clothes. Clothes that seemed to have accumulated at the bottom of my unmade bed. It was time to get back to it.

I told an old work friend this morning how I was stuck in my own space in between. Waiting for news from an academic panel, working on a paper that had no assurances, starting a new business and waiting on a handful of article pitches out there in the freelance world. I write from time to time about the spaces of hope and despair, of strength versus deficit, of learning how to be rather than to be in a rush for answers. After a hectic work day of meetings, writing and then sessions I wandered home and sat with my babies as they shared their first day back at kindy and the last day of big school holidays. They both spoke over each other telling me stories of fact and fiction about what may or may not have happened at Grandma’s house and how many vegetables were consumed at lunch time. As they wandered into bed I opened my laptop to start working again and found a beautiful comment from a lovely lady called Kathy¬†about a post I did on ¬†managing the see-saw of hope…

‘after all my experiences I have come to believe strongly in the beauty of balance – between loss and gain, sadness and joy – in the long run I think its the only place of contentment’

So thank you Kathy, instead of struggling amidst my own space in between I realised that life is always about the space between some place and the next so Ill sit back and enjoy being back in the middle.

After all thats what my blog is all about. Thanks for the reminder.

Whats your place of contentment?

Join the conversation! 6 Comments

  1. This post made me stop and think
    Today is one of those days where I am just rushing, from one thing, one place, one moment to the next
    No contentment, no enjoyment, no moment to stop and just be
    Always rushing
    But its always the same
    Maybe I need to stop and just be for a while
    I like your idea of being in the middle
    I am here so often, perhaps I should stop and savor it for a change
    xx

    Reply
  2. I love Kathy’s comment. As I make my way through my 40s, I sometimes observe the lines on my face and I see them born from a life filled with both sadness and happiness in equal measure. It makes me feel content and more confident that I can handle whatever life throws at me next.

    Reply
    • Im trying to look at the older face in the mirror Robyn and embrace it..I think Im almost there. Some days I look around at my life and Im so grateful for the hard parts that got me to the place I am right now x

      Reply
  3. Perfectly put. Something made me seek your blog out tonight. You’re the second blog I’ve visited in two months. Congratulations!… And I really needed to put virtual palm to yours and say “Yep. This is my space in between too.” I’ve just finished a long (but painfully short) two-month stint of nursing my stepmother to her death, just last week. And now my new space begins. But first…. I mustn’t rush the end of the space that has been dancing there, filled with dread, with enrichment, with memories, everything cascading over and over.

    Heck this is turning into a blog post of its own. Just… thanks for the space to dump it briefly! Off I go and pick up the saddlebags and hoik them back on my back til I’m ready to heave them off the sides xo

    Reply
    • I’ve been following your (hate the word) journey K. Don’t rush out of the space, just wander around in it. I saw the survey you linked up for SANDS grief is such a complex beast. Take care of you x x

      Reply

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