Image from here
I was at work the other day, in the middle of a meeting, and I suddenly had a flash of the old me. It was like I was on an archaeological dig excavating a site that hadn’t been stepped on in eons, with a small brush in my hand I slowly swept away the sands of childbirth, toddlers and school runs and uncovered a Me just below the surface.
It was a funny feeling to trust what came out my mouth. To hear my voice on the outside of me, the one that made sense, that had a memory and that sounded like I knew what I was talking about. I thought about it for most of that day, all the way up to bedtime. I told my husband about it. Im not sure I was looking for any feedback I was just a little shocked that it was there and I hadn’t really gone searching for it. I liked how it felt because for once I didn’t have a small person wanting my attention, I had clothes on that didn’t consist of birkenstocks and shorts that were too baggy around the ass. I was just me.
The hard part of negotiating a foot in both camps is that you never really feel like you’re on top of either. Too long in the home camp and playschool songs send you loopy, too long in the work one and you only get to see your kids between daycare and exhaustiveness…call it arsenic hour, call it shove chocolate in your face in secret in the pantry o’clock but it isn’t the quality mother child time you’re after.
The balance is different for everyone but every once in a while when the light shines through and you say hello stranger to yourself you can pat yourself on the back that despite parentings ability to consume your life you remember that the you you’ve been searching for has been there all along.
It is (even if its a bit sandy)
Have you had an archaeological discovery lately?
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I do have my feet firmly in both camps and the only thing that saves me is the fact that we have only one child. So before and after work, so long as I am organised, I get to have fairly nice quality time with him. But I don’t know how well I will be able to pull that off with another child on the scene. And you have 4!
It was easier before the little man came along. I leave the connecting stuff to my husband with his girls…if only my 6 year old had a mobile phone I could just text her loving mum thoughts through the day to offset my guilt!
When you find the balance Sarah let me know “how”?!
I often feel like a rat running around chasing my tail, at work thinking did I put the reader bag in her school bag or at home wondering if I sent that e-mail to accounts. Yet the crazy thing is I want to take on more! I would love to finish the degree I have started. There is a big space between what is in my head thinking yes, let’s give it a go! AND looking at the day to day logistics, family committments & work. Still working through & finding how much time I should be standing in each camp. If I could give up sleep I could do it all!
I am told you can have it all but not all at the same time.
P.S Love your blog however you need to get an alert to e-mail me when a new post is up. Just an idea. However it is a lovely surprise when I find a couple of new posts on the one day.
Ill shout it from the roof tops when I work it out (I think it may coincide with the youngest turning 18??)
My husband is my IT…the email thing is happening – soon!
Thanks for stopping by x